went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
