oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
