My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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