it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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