I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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