After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
