i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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