i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
