I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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