i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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