Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
