why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drake has all the answers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
