went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i came on her dog
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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