I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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