So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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