Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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