My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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