My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
