I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
