I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
