I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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