I have demons in me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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