also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sarcasm needs its own font
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
