Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize
