you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
