haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
