You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
