The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
