My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
