And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just had sex bonerless
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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