He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
