He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
