Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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