we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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