I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
