she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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