just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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