My nipple is on Facebook.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
