Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
