I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
