Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
