Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
