I just saw a hot homeless man
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
