Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
