your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's shark week go big or go home
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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