I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
