Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
