he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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