You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
