Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
