You can't motorboat a personality
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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