just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
