Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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