That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm bleeding and have questions
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
