You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
