he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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