im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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