is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
