Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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