I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
