She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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