Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
