I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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