her vagine was all disorganized.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
