My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize