As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
