I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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